Who’s that team in fourth…?

So, I think the dust has settled long enough from my last sojourn into the world of internet scribes, for me to continue on my journey towards stardom and everlasting life, join me as uncover more of the worlds mysteries, from the man that brought you Hatem Ben Arfa eats Frosties, and Tim Krul eats Bananas. I now feel the pressure of being funny, interesting and informative. What you are about to read will undoubtedly dispel all of those rumours. It was fun while it lasted.

The last time we were here, I was just a very excited fan attempting to write about what had just happened to me in the previous 24 hours at a Newcastle United ground… I sit here, with a similar type of mentality, but for very different reasons. 24 hours ago I was at another Newcastle United ground and came away with a huge sense of pride, having seen my team come up against their strongest test this season, and pass the majority of the tests put before them, how long before people recognise that we are in the top 4 on merit – no more of this, “it’s a false position” lark.

Before I get carried away, fear ye not, I’ve already looked into travel and accommodation for next seasons Champions League, the only thing I’m left wondering, is how many Shola will score at Camp Nou this time.

Which brings me nicely onto my next point, Shola. Once again the Saltwell Schillaci proved his undoubted prowess in front of goal, in the face of adversity. As the many armchair managers in attendance on Sunday afternoon were undoubtedly saying we should have put Marveaux on for Obertan, or maybe Rob Elliot for Ryan Taylor at left back… Shola did what he’s made a career doing, silencing the doubters, that is, of course, until he shanks one into the East Stand next week against Wigan.

Once again I was hugely impressed with Pardew, whom, I may add, has not been in touch since my last blog entry, clearly my offer of a name change wasn’t enough to convince Alan that I was worthy of a contract – maybe if I get my name changed to Santiago Munez, it might help? I could pull a lass with a dodgy Geordie accent that looks like she used to be on Brookside too… Sweet!

Anywhere, I’ve clearly lost track of what I was talking about here, women, no Pardew, the two kind of go hand-in-hand… Apparently. Oo-er missus. Thinking about it, that’s probably why I haven’t heard back from Alan, he’s no doubt wining and dining that woman from the team photo day… Before no doubt, passing her on to Colo, as the song suggests.

TACTICS, right, I’m going to power through these distractions, like Jonas running down the left wing… Head down with no real idea on where I’m going to end up! We went into the break, 1 down, within two minutes we were back on level terms; clearly the silver fox must have done or said something to rally the troops at the break. Impressive, but what followed was more evidence that Pardew has got them all singing from the right hymn sheet. The team played as exactly that, a team, Obertan and Jonas backed up their fullbacks perfectly and the two greatest players in the history of world football, in Luca Modric and the Welsh answer to Pele/Messi/Maradona/Shergar/Elvis, Gareth Bale, were both kept very quiet.

Meanwhile, the irrepressible pairing of Tiote and the stunning Yohan Cabaye continues to impress with every game – yesterday was no different. Clearly under orders from the Toon grounds man, Tiote kept the pirouettes from our ex-captain to a distinct minimum, as Capello’s new favourite son, was left to cut a frustrated figure throughout the game. Much to the enjoyment of his once adoring public.

At the back, not counting the penalty, the Love of my Life and Forrest Gump are forming a cracking partnership, still statistically the best defence in the country, but I’m not expecting that to get a great deal of media coverage… After all, it’s Newcastle, and as we all know, it’s grim up north…

Onto Spiderman, probably the second most criticised player in the great city of Newcastle upon Tyne, Mr Gutierrez was pretty much unplayable, picking up from where he left off against Wolves. Ripping the pretender to the England right back throne, to shreds at every opportunity. His cross for Demba Ba’s goal was just the tip of his iceberg on Sunday. I think the key to Jonas is him shifting to black boots, clearly wearing the white boots was proving too distracting for the lad. White ball, white boots – you can see why. He probably keeps the white ones for nights out on the razz; I’ve heard whispers that he’s got the moves like Jagger. Word.

I must also mention Demba Ba at this point – I mentioned after the team photo day, that he seemed a bit dim; clearly Ramadan had its effect on him both physically and mentally. Not only with the goals, but also the bait, he just can’t get enough, he just can’t get enough.

This week sees the release of the new Football Manager game, a time I like to think of as me “improving my CV” – by this time next month; I’ll have the Toon in the final of the World Club Cup… I’ll also be big time and won’t have any time for internet shenanigans like this. Huzzah I hear you cry.

On a personal front, I suffered a footballing crisis myself, having spanked a penalty over the bar a week ago, I found myself questioning my future in the game. With a huge point to prove to myself, I got on the score sheet after less than 10 minutes of our game on Saturday and played a part in a hugely entertaining 3-3 draw. Within the space of 90 minutes, I had completely regained my love for the game. Funny old game, isn’t it.

Which reminds me, I’m planning on going to the reserves game on Tuesday night, I hear Gazza was at the match on Sunday, I might see if he’s still around and fancies pinching the RANGER ROVER and going on a joyride, like what he did with the Boro team coach a few years ago, obviously 5 Bellies would have to come too.

While people continue to write our Newcastle United off, we continue to do what we’ve always done best – prove the doubters wrong and silence the critics. From the fans, to the players to the team management – I can’t remember a time that we’ve felt so settled, probably since Uncle Bobby, obviously there’s some implosion round the corner, but for God’s sake, ladies and gentlemen, let’s enjoy it whilst it’s here. Yes Obertan could run at his full back more. Yes Jonas could cross better. Yes Shola could be a little bit less consistently inconsistent. Yes and we’re also fourth in the league. This is NUFC, this is what makes us love our club so much – the unpredictability of the beast. It’s what makes us wake up on a Monday morning and tweet that we can’t wait until Saturday for the Wigan game. Nothing worse than monotony.

In spite of everything, Newcastle United will never be defeated…

7 months ago  /  2 notes